For the Exploratory Project, I will be attempting to document my process, to be explicit about my thinking, and to analyse the decisions and reflections I have made. This does not actually come easily to me, as I have developed ways of thinking and writing about my work which deliberately tries not to fill in the gaps or explain my decision. I feel it will be a bit awkward and clunky, but it is something I will be trying to deliberate do as a matter of course, and to integrate into my MA writing much more.I think I am a little against such exposure, that it gives the game away, reveals the sleight of hand, or rather the inexplicable and ungraspable abstract leaps within my head that I have grown to trust rather than list and analyse.
I'll probably be banging on about all this for a while, as it is a confluence of different realisations coming to this conclusion.
Dyslexia is a fascinating subject. It only exists because
there is a dominant method of learning and communication which has evolved over
centuries, and so it is a range of “other”. For example, if there was not an evolved dominant tendency of right-handedness, left-handedness would never have been an issue, because a more dual system would have developed. Similarly, if the range of dyslexia tendencies had been incorporated from earlier, the dominant methods of learning would be more multiple and inclusive of dyslexic thinking. What a complicated simplification!
Dyslexia is not a fixed set of symptoms, like the characterised jumbled up spelling - it may be those sorts of things, but even dyslexic people can learn how to spell - that does not "fill in" the gap of dyslexia - dyslexia is a much more fundamental approach of the brain which will find new ways to manifest. My mind always seems to find alternative approaches to interpreting questions. I learn the clues to one set, but the basic approach doesn't "fix" - it will find new and inventive ways to interpret new questions. This only turns out to be a problem because of the dominant systems and common understanding. In other ways it's obviously an advantage, because it's always an advantage to work with your own brain rather than against.
It's all about realisation and strategy. This is my own response to recent dyslexia study needs assessment:
Although the needs assessment was different to the initial
dyslexia assessment, it has been some years since I have had the chance to talk
to a specialist in this area, and found the process fascinating and a bit
enlightening. It’s interesting for me to look at my history in terms of
dyslexia, and gauge what I have learned and realised over time.
It’s a bit difficult I think to be very precise about what
you don’t understand – to indentify the gaps. I am aware of certain areas which
tend to be pitfalls for me, but as I explained to the assessor, I may not
recognise my own confusion or misinterpretation until much later.
I realise that I obtained my degree by breaking everything
down to constituent parts, dealing with them, and reconstructing things in a
linear form. And thus I have approached my practice. I am aware that there are
contradiction about this and the multilayered and multi faceted work I aim to
produce, where it pulls in many things. But in production, and in making sense
of it and having something to show, work becomes a string of linked events –
frames in a film or thoughts sewn together, rather than an unsorted bundle of
stuff.
This linear method of presentation only goes so far, but the
MA is challenging me further, and in ways I am just beginning to recognise. It’s
difficult to explain, because I don’t yet have a handle on it, but it is
something to do with organising information differently. I need to have more
multiple things going on, connected and simultaneous. Basically, I need to have
more active relationships and connections between all the different elements of
the MA:
·
My art work
· Reflective writing
·
Research into related contemporary artists and
art movements
·
Overview of art theory and art history from a
contemporary perspective
·
Professional activities in the art world –
exhibiting, projects, work
·
Specific MA lectures, projects, assessments
I see that the relationships between these now need to be
active differently, more integrated, more simultaneous and more explicit. No
longer can I deal with them separately then sew them together, with only the control
and connection in my head. It’s that inner understanding that I need to
express. I’m used to knowing inside my head, almost without knowing, all those
connections and leaps and relationships. I’m used to trusting and following
those leaps, knowing that they have their own logic and will all fit together.
It’s so akin to creativity I almost call it so.
In the outside world, I have been drawn to certain areas of
my strengths, areas of the art world where in effect I answer my own questions
– almost a definition of what an artist does. I am always very drawn to
multiple freelance positions, and ones where I trust my own judgement and
create my own format.
I had a bit of a revelation when the assessor showed me what
the mind mapping programme can do – I’ve seen mind mapping before, disliked it
and felt it wasn’t for me – that it opposed the list system I use to organise
my thoughts. However, when he showed me how at a click the information can be
translated into headed lists with bullet points, and then other formats, I saw
that a different approach is possible – and that I do not need to jettison my
own way of thinking. By viewing the information in different formats, a very
different understanding and perspective is possible – perhaps a more global
overview, rather than my previous linear lists, and crucially, I can do this
without losing the lists or messing up my system.
28th April 2012
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